Sick of it...

You know...I'm just sick of the struggle. I'm sick of the temptations. I'm sick of giving in. I'm sick of giving up. I'm sick of it.

My weight sucks. I'm bloated. My willpower is there, but it's just not taking a front row seat. My motivation is simmering just below the surface, and I know what I need to do. I just have to do it.

But now I feel like it's too late. Summer is upon me. And I've wasted MONTHS just going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth...you get the picture.

And I'm sick of it.

I feel my best when I eat less carbs. I feel more control when I eat less carbs. I feel my best when I eat real food. And drink real water.

And then I see a package of cookies in the pantry after a long, hard day's work...and I think, "That's just what I need to eat to feel better." And then I binge. And then I feel bad. And then I give up for a couple of days. Sick. of. it.

I know what I need to do. I just have to do it.

I have an all or nothing mentality when it comes to things. I gave up smoking with an all or nothing mentality. I knew that if I ever touched another cigarette, I would become a pack a day smoker again. So now (7 years later) I don't even think about cigarettes. My husband smokes, and I'm not tempted at all.

The breaking point came when I was trying to stop smoking (which is one of the hardest things in the world to do.) I got sick of the struggle. I got sick of thinking about smoking. I got sick trying to smoke in moderation or decrease my smoking. I got sick of fantasizing about smoking. I got sick of being around other people who smoked. Basically, I got sick of the struggle.

So one day I just stopped. And I never went back. No regrets. No temptation. No longing for the days when...I just stopped.

And that's what I need to do with the processed shit (excuse my french) that for some reason I think is ok to pour into my body, my son's body, my husband's body. Get. Rid. Of. It. It's not ok!!!

This is not FOOD that these companies are selling us! It's chemicals put together in such a way to resemble food. These companies are not interested in my health or longevity! They are in it to make money...to make me eat more...to make me want more...to make their pseudo-foods cheap and affordable so I turn to it on the weeks when my family doesn't have a lot of extra money, but I still need to buy them something to eat. That's bullshit.

And I've been buying, eating, and enjoying their crap for years. and years. and years.

I am sick of it.

I know what I need to do. I just have to do it.